I was only exposed to Danny’s comedy because of the compromises he made. I think about that a lot, when the bitterness from my own self sabotage creeps in. You could say that about any commercial artist of course, but I feel the loss of it viscerally with him. CJ the X once called purely self-indulgent art “macaroni paintings” – it has haunted me ever since. “Authenticity doesn’t mean people have to care.” I hear him say. “You make work that is so specific and referential, it’s alienating. Do you want to make something true to you, or actually communicate something true?”
My current art process is – having an uncontrollable itch to open procreate or my sketchbook, and then a voice in my head yelling “YOU ARE DRAWING THIS NOW, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND WATCH.” Nothing scratches that itch other than drawing exactly what I feel I need to in the moment. That’s probably just a lack of negative financial motivation, but I wonder if other artists feel the same way. Do they make commercially viable stuff as something related but separate? Or have they managed to find that same creative fulfillment in the compromise?
Sometimes I think I’m overanaylzing, and this is just an incubation period. The more optimistic inner me says, “you have no audience and very little burdens at the moment, why are you rushing to escape that freedom? Make the noodle doodles, girl! Doing what gives you joy if you have the means is not self sabotage. All you are really suffering from is a bruised ego. If your work is meant to touch people’s live’s like Danny’s, the universe will make that road clear when it’s time.” Maybe that’s cope and lack of ambition, but maybe it’s also the self acceptance I need to find peace.
>>robyns_ramblings 