I’m sitting in a library to cool down after one of my adventures. There’s a young 2 or 3 year old who is very fussy, I hear the resignation in his father’s shushes. I had the thought – a moment like that is one more small way where celebrity can be a cloud that follows you any time you are in public. I imagine you could get good at keeping a low profile, but a situation where attention is drawn to you – the stress is compounded tenfold.
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As I was processing my frustration yesterday, I wondered to myself, why has he not been called out in the comments more, on this or the uglies video? Am I just way too sensitive? Multiple people I’ve talked to have felt similar – confused, hurt. In the interest of self awareness I’m adding in me being too invested as a “for sure” in this equation. But I think it’s also that danny has deliberately cultivated an audience that is as disengaged as he is. I am forever haunted by something he said on stream – “if I could just make videos, and people would watch them, and then forget I exist right after, that would probably be ideal.” He has been working on that goal for years, and I think he’s achieved it. People in the comments offer answers to his hypothetical questions, but no criticism. If they got the ick from the way he said something, they’d probably just switch off the video and pick something else to watch on their lunch break. They aren’t going to take the time to say “hey, that was pretty thoughtless the way you said that”. They aren’t that invested in him.
It got me thinking back to the post I made about demi levato. I have really mixed feelings about evaluating an artist’s career and their moves rather than the art itself, because it is so intertwined with their life. It starts getting into celebrity double standards that are socially acceptable but I just …don’t like. It’s the reason I ultimately took down all my work of danny. The question would constantly come to me, would this be ok If it was someone working at a coffee shop down the street? No, of course not. Is the situation different because he is a famous entertainer, and his content is inseparable from a persona that is presented as close to who he really is? Yes, but… I don’t know if it should be different. And the further distance I got from his reassurance, the more it seemed out of sync with my values.
Cultivating a disengaged audience means that he won’t be pushed creatively. He won’t get much in the way of critique (except from stragglers like me, apparently. I did get the memo and I swear I am TRYING). But it probably makes him safer. It makes his family safer. It means when he goes out in public, he’s much less likely to run into a fan who will choose to approach him. It’s easy for me to be frustrated with the way he is approaching his content, but he has to choose how to approach his life. His family, his peace of mind, of course that trumps everything.
I have to be careful when I hold him to things he said years ago, but one other thing I’ve never let go of – “if I ever do something that makes you uncomfortable please tell me, I don’t — I don’t want to hurt people.” That’s the only reason I posted my reaction publicly, even though it might as well be private. I stand by it, I would say it to his face if he asked. What he said, it made me uncomfortable. It hurt. It hurts to be reminded that people with privilege have very little incentive to think beyond their own understanding. That even well meaning people will rarely make the effort to be introspective, or empathize beyond their gut reaction. That if I show up authentically, despite that at my best I can be loving, thoughtful, creative, intelligent — people will not look past a surface that doesn’t conform to their expectations. Even people like danny. It hurts to get gut punched with that reality in a place that has given me some of the most profound joy I’ve experienced in my life.
He has an incredible, beautiful magic in his comedic ability, that I don’t know if he sees. On YouTube, validation becomes a blur of numbers. It’s a gift to use as he chooses, not an obligation. Still, I will always, always be there to cheer him on if or when he comes back to it. I see glimpses of it all the time. With all my heart, I believe in his potential, but I also want him to follow his bliss. If that leads him down a path I can’t follow, I wish him nothing but the best.
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As I was driving this morning and singing my heart out to tswift’s Bejeweled, I saw a custom licence plate – “CRNDOG”. Yes thank you universe, I’m aware. So as a palette cleanser for that snappiness, here’s a photo dump and also a playlist of my favorite driving tunes.
>>robyns_ramblings 