What makes me feral is the quiet, apologetic shame. Shame that isn’t his to carry. The idea that, “if I was stronger, I wouldn’t have to burden you all with this ugly part of my life…If I wasn’t just a human, I could handle it all discreetly, like I’m supposed to. Keep the mask on, keep the vibes up.” I see him bending over backwards to remove his emotions from the equation, framing things in terms of what is “practical”, what is “sustainable”. “I wish there was more of me to go around, but there just isn’t…” As though he is failing to give something owed.
The video hits me especially hard because I see too much of myself in him. It reminds me of the way I would talk to my mom. I’d banish every negative emotion except a soft sadness, and speak about the situation with as much detachment as I could muster. I think he rightly fears what I did – that anything perceived as fighting back would make you the bad guy. Anything other than sage stoicism is ammunition for the other side.
I’ve talked about it many times at this point, but I have so much frustration and grief around the prison that is celebrity. It’s different than Muffy from Arthur bemoaning how hard it is to be stereotyped as a rich girl, and how lonely it is to be unrelateable. It’s not just the extreme cases, like stalking, paparazzi- it is the suffocation of constant potential recognition. The inability to escape it. Imagine you need to go to the drug store at 5:47am for your sick kid who kept you up all night, and you run into a fan. Forget coherent sentences, you have to be On for this person. Maybe you decide to say no, sorry, I can’t, and maybe they are disappointed but understanding. There would probably still be some lingering guilt.
And why? When Chappell Roan gave us the opportunity, why did we not as a culture go, “actually, yeah, it is kinda weird that it’s socially acceptable to just approach a celebrity at any time. Maybe we should look outside ourselves, and that one interaction that would bring us joy in the moment, to the aggregate effect that precedent has on the other person’s entire life.” The default social etiquette should be that fan interactions are at the discretion of the artist, and in controlled environments. If they say “if you see me in public, sure, say hi!” Then that’s their call, but that shouldn’t be the expectation.
And yet, I feel very old man shaking fist at clouds about this, because I know so many people just….don’t care to care, if that makes sense. They aren’t interested in being actively empathetic. It’s easier to turn their brain off and say “eh, it’s not that big a deal, I don’t know why he’s making it a whole thing. Champaign problems, amiright?” It kills me when Wolfey has to preface the discussion of how fans have violated him by acknowledging that he is in many ways privileged – as if money and fame has any bearing on the inalienable right to freedom of movement and bodily autonomy.
I guess I shouldn’t state these things so matter-of-factly. I don’t have firsthand experience. Vicarious outrage has a very high likelihood of cringe. Videos like this, though, and the situation with Chappel .. it makes me think it’s hard for people in that position to advocate for themselves. When it’s on an individual basis, they are fighting against ingrained social norms. People shrug and say, “that’s just the way it is, that’s just how people are, don’t get famous if you can’t handle it.” But I say, no. No. NO!! Do you know what social etiquette is, what it’s for? It is designed to put bounds on certain behaviors and instincts, so that we can healthily co-exist in a society. We made them up. We can change “the way it is” if something isn’t working, you know?
This was pretty ranty, I apologize. I think this was really compounded by the Emiru situation, and my continued attempts at self awareness and accountability when it comes to the parasocial stuff. My driving trip has gone really well so far, so hopefully I’ll have a lighter update soon.
>>robyns_ramblings 