Much to Laura’s chagrin, and despite what may have been safer, I decided to take 4 days and drive myself to Chicago. I do a lot of recreational driving anyway – I can easily accumulate 4 hours or more in a day just running around listening to music, looking for places to draw. 8 hours is a different thing, though. Driving all day for 3 days straight, plus another half day…It could have been more than I could handle. I think what has made it meditative rather than stressful is that I’m on my own schedule. I can stop every hour and a half, for as long as I want. I downloaded a few audiobooks, loaded up with jerky and trail mix and those drinkable apple sauce pouches for kiddos. On straight open stretches, I even risk chubby cheek blindness to listen to a danny video.
I’m officially in Illinois! I’m spending the night at a hotel just past St. Louis. The freeways there were like a series of overtuned quicktime events. I’m amazed I cleared every one, because I’ve wracked up an embarrassing amount of wrong turns already. I think it helped that I got a spike of euphoric adrenaline when I saw the first sign that said “Chicago”. Then I was locked in, a lady on a mission.
I want to share a few highlights from the journey so far, before they fade. I’ll go state by state.
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Arizona – The Beeline Highway out of Phoenix may be genuinely one of the most beautiful drives in the world – I know so many people think lack of trees = ugly but TRUST ME. You’ll feel like you’re starting the first main quest in a high fantasy rpg. The mountains are unreal. The pine forests in the north have a decent amount of deciduous trees that are already yellow and red. I was listening to a lecture by Jung about synchronicities and I swear on my life, just as he started talking about the interconnected web of reality and meaning and the metaphysical, I was driving along a ridge line that looked EXACTLY LIKE the opening scene of Donnie Darko. Shivers! I didn’t see any swirling vortex of clouds to be fair, but I always keep my eyes glued to the road on any mountain pass.
New Mexico – got to see a few of my absolute favorite road signs (sorry Drew) – “Gusty Winds May Exist.” I can’t…even unpack why that’s so funny to me. But I cackle every time. To everyone who says that the New Mexico landscape is boring? Again, desert-ist! I loooove those layered red mesas. Much like Sedona, but more open concept. A warm, cozy color pallet. A lot of my favorite desert levels in video games take this as the most direct source of inspiration, apart from the suguaros.
One of the truck stops was themed, and had a gift shop and restaurant attached. I decided to give myself the mental rest of a sit down meal. On the ceiling was a beautiful mural of a blue sky with fluffy clouds, in each cloud the faint suggestion of an animal or spirit. I ordered a chimichanga, and to my complete suprise and delight, they brought out fry bread and honey to go with it! Truely blessed. 🙏
Before I headed out of Santa Rosa on my second day, I noticed on google maps there were a few yellow markers along the I40- “fog – visibility warning” it said. “Eh, the sun will clear it up pretty quick.” It was a gorgeous sunrise to drive in, sparse pink clouds set in a pastel ombre. As I crested a hill I saw a blueviolet mist settled in the valley. A ping of anxiety, but I shrugged it off. Suddenly, I was swallowed by giant cloud claws, like I had just crossed the threshold into a desaturated shadow realm.
I could see maybe 4 car lengths ahead of me. Thankfully when I used the windshield wipers it was drivable…probably. I’m alive so it was fine, right? It wasn’t till I reached Amarillo that the curse was lifted. I got some fudge at the Buccees to celebrate my continued survival, and to thank my aunt for putting me up at her/her daughter’s place in Oklahoma city.
Side note – and I know this is my over active imagination – but at many of the stops there has been a very conspicuous LARGE raven, that will perch or land near me and just Look. I imagine it’s the game of thrones thing where he’s like the spy of some dark warlock. He’s kinda doofy though. I feel like I should get ominous vibes from him, but I don’t.
Oklahoma/Missouri – I skipped over Texas, I guess. I just drove through the little top bit. I think I would have enjoyed the middle America farmland biome more if it wasn’t so overcast. The sky was a solid Grey color for most of the day. On some of the inclines, I felt like I was at the bottom of an ocean, suffocating. I was telling my dad the other day that “looking into the void” is usually a terrifying, mind breaking thing in sci-fi, but somehow it’s fine when it’s blue. I think the gradient helps also, to be fair.
Also, the amount of roadkill was Distressing. A raven stalking me, sickly gray skies, roads adorned with mangled and mashed animal corpses…should I be taking a hint? After the third or forth decapitated deer carcus, I began thinking of ways I could soften the experience. Humor wasn’t an option, it made me feel like a psychopath. Instead I reminded myself of object permanence in suffering. This is not more suffering done, but existing suffering revealed to you. You close your eyes to 99% of the suffering in the world already, there’s no shame in doing it here too.
One saving grace was the sheer absurdity of American truck stops. The one in Joplin was bananaasss. It was almost like a mini mall, but there was a section that especially fascinated me. It was like a bass pro shop but for truck drivers. It might suprise you to learn that I’m a nothing-knower when it comes to the world of semis. The store gave me the same feeling as a Mr. Roger’s picture picture segment. I didnt’ realize you could trick out your truck like cars in GTA! Different steering wheel colors, lights, the..what are they called, when they put a metal naked woman on the nose of it. Turns out you could have a dragon instead, or an eagle. Even the big pipe organ looking things. If a truck driver is somehow reading this, I’m so sorry.
They had a rack of clothes- most of the time I have the mixed blessing that nothing will fit me, so I’m not tempted to spend, but clothes for truck drivers….hmm, I’m thinkin’ there might be something for me. One section was printed tees, ONLY in black. Yes. My people. The images had the same vibe as the infamous 3 howling wolves, but with glossy 8 wheelers and stern looking north American wildlife. I got rattled by the news of the hurricane playing on the TV, and decided to dip, but maybe on my way back I’ll have to cop.
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..is that it? I think thats all I can rememeber. Chicago is a little less than 4 hours away, so I should get up early and make use of the day. I haven’t actually decided what I’m going to see yet. Is it crazy that my first thought was the Colsey Zoo Geoff Dow mentioned at the last show? I kinda fw smaller petting zoo type places, but I also wanna see if he’s throwing unwarranted shade in the name of comedy. The Morton arboretum looks really nice too. Places like that a great because you can find a quiet spot to sit and sketch for an hour or two, without looking like a weirdo.
I’ve been falling asleep to a confidence hypnosis. I realized while threading the needle through semis at 80mph that my fear tolerance has gone way up. Socially as well, I’ve embraced the American Dad alien character’s role, a personable outside observer of humanity. It seems to put people more at ease when I’m not pretending to be one of them. (That sounds so dark and teen angsty, lord have mercy. It’s my emotionally reality regardless.) There are only 2 things that have put me over the top in recent months: seeing my death in a freak storm, and a comedian. That second one, it’s gotta go. It’s just silly! Pun intended! I just keep chanting the quote from that camp unplug vine (which sadly I couldn’t find) “I am not afraid! I am not a pussy!”
I also made a driving playlist of all my favorite high energy songs. Do I have the musical taste of a 9 year old? Guilty as charged. But if you wanna bebop around for a bit, take a listen –
>>robyns_ramblings 