i an here!

I made it to the Airbnb! I cannot believe I’m paying less than $60 a night for this gorgina basement. It’s so cozy, and the hobbit in me feels especially safe tucked away in the ground. We don’t really have basements in Arizona – nesting down here gives me the same sort of thrill as watching cable on the hotel TV as a kid. “Hi there, Face here!” I smiled as wide as the smiley face taking up the entire screen, the solid color of his square face changing with his mood. Nikelodeon just hit different when my at home diet was 90% PBS and a sprinkling of Saturday morning anime. 

Driving up through Aurora to Geneva where I’m staying melted any reservations I had about coming back so soon. I am…enraged, at how picturesque it looks. Is there a more perfect time of year here? God the red trees… the color hits me right in my lower stomach, in my pelvis. It’s so rich and dark and satisfying to look at. The dry brush of yellow over the treetops, with the occasional solid gold early turner. Along one road there were a few demure leaves fluttering down. Stop! This is egregious. Do not unlock the fall obsessed 2010 tumblr girl in me I swear to god.

I wanted to take some pictures of the area, since I got in around 2pm. I underestimated how much my body needed slug time. Hopefully I can get out early in the morning. I’ll have to see what I’m in the mood for over the next few days, but I might forgo downtown Chicago all together, as crazy as that sounds. Just meander the prairie path and whatever other outdoor stuff there is in the suburbs here. Well…no, I gotta go to at least one art museum. Don’t be a dingus, Robyn. I am protesting the bean, though. The guy who made it is a self obsessed dork, and the last thing I wanna see is my own distorted reflection. I don’t need to be reminded of the skin prison I repeat effusive affirmations about, but looks to me like a quasimodo disgusting blob. Intentions create your reality, intentions create your reality, aesthetics are subbbjeeccttivvee aaaahhhh—

I keep forgetting that tomorrow is the show. And I keep forgetting that it isn’t scary at all. We drove 4 days, by ourselves, through killer fog and too narrow roads and obtuse downtown freeways, and this is STILL scaring you? He’s not even going to see you! …sigh. Maybe if I let my inner 5 year old run around screaming she’ll get it out of her system. I suspect it’s actually just excitement/overwhelm that my brain is re-interpreting as fear because of how intense it is. We’ll do some hip opening yoga and emotional release meditation, and maybe we can bring it down a few notches to just euphoria. That and gratitude are the dominant emotions I’m feeling for the most part. I almost can’t believe it. I an really here!