I’m sitting in the car in front of my Airbnb, decompressing. I wasn’t that scared! It only took two hours of meditation/hypnosis/yoga before the show! And I… god I wish I could be more objective to tell you for sure, but I think he was 100% in the pocket.. How can I explain the feeling I was getting from him…it was like watching a pro tennis player scoop under and slam the ball at just that right angle. I know I’m good at this, all I gotta do is ride it like a wave. And he is! Arrgg I wish I could just put in his head the way I see him, so he would go full beast mode.
I did try to send good vibes. Anytime I started to get tense, I opened my posture and imagined surrendering completely to those gnawing fangs of fear. Do what you will! Come and get me! Then I put all my intention into opening my chakras and filling the room with all the love and warmth I could. I tried to channel all my faith and joy and confidence to danny – you were meant for this, we see it, the universe sees it. I am so, so proud and so blessed we share this same tiny pinhole moment in reality.
….I’m leaving all that in but just know that is a high-on-life sorta comment. I need to cry real bad. I’m cry constipated. It’s happy tears but we need to open the valve somehow.
Also, my topic got picked first, “overrated national monuments” and instantly was called shit LOLOLOL again, very thankful I’m in a place where that didn’t wreck me the whole night. It wasn’t too long ago it would have, sad to say. I don’t know what I was thinking with that prompt…but I guess that’s why I’m not the comedian!
It was interesting to see danny among other comedians he didn’t pick. Weird that the first thing my brain picked out was that, danny is Loud. Not in an obnoxious way, but he is projecting and performing more than he is talking, if that makes sense. It always shocks me how comfortable he is going well above an inside voice. It’s a little counterintuitive to how he comes across otherwise.
He handled the random topics in a sweet way. It reminded me of his GTA streams. He’s never scandalized, he just manages to rise up out of it like a lotus flower in mud. He– ok, this is where my analysis falls apart because, in the riffing sections, I thought he was charming. And everyone in union say “well yes! You would!”. Shut up, ok, he was affable. It was odd, though. I got the sense he really didn’t wanna stray much from his material, but when he did it seemed so natural and easy for him. Get him in improv!! Expidicously!! Only if he is comfortable. But also a little out of the comfort zone.
Sometimes I imagine advice I would give him, because I’m coocoo bananas. I used to go to this thing called “ecstatic dance” – you go into a dim studio room with like 10 other people, they play vaguely jungley sounding music and you just…dance. However you want. Intuitively move your body. I can imagine a snowball in hell easier than I can danny doing something like that, but if he did….he would be unstoppable, I think. Fearless. But look, if a cripplingly anxious neet of a girl can drive Phoenix to Chicago by herself to power- level spiritually, I bet he could do it.
Geoff…is on my shit list, a bit. Geoff if you’re somehow reading this, gettouttaaahheree. Honestly this is not a moral critique, it’s a reflection of my own sensitivities. Geoff’s comments about plastic surgery added evidence to my impression that he is someone with many unexamined opinions. Not maliciously, mind you. Plastic surgery is a difficult intersection of bodily autonomy, standards of beauty, patriarchy, the cult of youth, etc etc etc., A comedian doesn’t need to be a philosopher to make jokes about it, but.. it was a little mask off for me. “Women who get too much plastic surgery are insecure idiots” eek. I don’t want to hold one improv sentence he said over his head, but it felt telling.
“Hey Robyn, have you seen some of your previous blog posts? Doesn’t danny sometimes suffer from the same thing?” The difference is danny is danny the difference is, when danny clicks up past 5% brain power, he will try to understand where people are coming from. Geoff, JUST TO ME, SUBJECTIVELY, comes across as someone who sometimes finds introspection tedious. His life also likely doesn’t push him to, so he just coasts. I do see danny coasting more. Empathy as a conscious action is a muscle you need to keep using, or it atrophies. You really have to “go to the gym” when you are white and well off. I can say that because, it me. My gym is learning compassion for myself with my looks and my struggles with connection, so it’s easier for me to transfer that compassion and grace into situations outside of myself.
OK but speaking of Geoff, I can give a little update on what I did earlier today. Based on his endorsement, I went to the Cosley zoo. I’m going to disagree with Geoff’s take here, but it’s not personal – his bit was recreational hating for the sake of comedy. I agree that if you put it in the category of “Zoo” it’s a little lacking. From what I saw, though, local residents get in free. To me, that means the target audience is a mom with one or more bored toddlers on a random Tuesday afternoon, needing to get out of the house. In that context, what I upgrade is to a regular suburban park! To a 2 year old it’s probably as good as Disneyland. I would genuinely kill to have a local park that had that many cute animals I could just go say hi to, and vibe with, FOR FREE.
I’d also say, at least in my experience with bigger zoos, I personally rate access to the animal more than how exotic the animals are. I was thinking that when I saw the coyote exhibit – they are soooooo cute and cool and awesome, and I got to see them CLOSE. Compare that to any of the wolves in the Phoenix zoo. I don’t even see them at all, half the time. That’s by design, because their enclosures are trying to be humane based on their needs, but because of that, gimme the coyotes every time.
Just behind me at this angle, they had a Halloween set up with a big skeleton. It was a bit like operating a ride at Disneyland where you hear the same voice line over and over. Without fail, when a little kid would turn the corner, “Skeleteewnnnn” “Oh my gosh, a Skeleton! He’s so big, isn’t he?” It was very cute. I do also have to confess as I was drawing the Llama, I recalled danny almost getting nipped while bebopping around with tim krentz – in this zoo, I think. A moment in history.
I’m really thinking I won’t go downtown tomorrow. I’ve been driving around with my jaw on the floor like, this can’t be real. How beautiful is this? I kinda wanna do…nothing, or nothing in particular. I want to just be. Bee. Heehee. I’m thinking of extending my stay, although it would have to be at a different place. It’s literally a breath of fresh air, but also I did not realize how mentally suffocated I was dealing with my mom’s dementia. Being physically away so I cannot be on lifeguard duty is healing something in me. One of the topics danny pulled was about taking care of aging parents, and he said “fuckkkk noooo fuck them, not doing it.” I wish wish wish it were that simple. Maybe, for just a few more days, it can be.
>>robyns_ramblings 