Too early in the morning on the last day of 2025, and I am up manically scribbling a brain blast about fox szn. “Ok but THIS ONE is the last one. For real, for actual this time.” Sure Jan. (January pun?)
I guess what will be different in the coming year is just the time spent. I cannot justify double digit hours polishing fanart comics that get 17 likes on tumblr. Instagram is fucked for any sort of formatting. Don’t get me started on his subreddit, man…I tell myself every time and I throw myself into the wall of knives regardless. I have to disagree with Danny on this one. Doing the same thing over and over is starting to feel like insanity. But I guess I am also “fucking insane”.
That makes me sound like a clout goblin. In reality I’m just insecure. I’ve been watching some of my old home movies recently, for the inner child work ー as toddler me was building a robot out of bricks, she kept saying to my dad, “Now how does it look? Look at this! Look!”
There will be things I want, need, to render. But I’ve found that my urge with the fox szn scenes is mostly to story board. I just want to put the movie in my head on pap—, on screen, before I forget. Making it “good enough” to share, at a certain point, becomes tedious. If it’s just for me and Laura, who cares? Who caaaarrrreesss? You know? I saw a custom license plate today that said, “WHYNOT”. Maybe that’s my 2026 mantra. I use to wring my hands and over-explain when people would ask “Why do you draw this fan stuff all the time? You think this will lead somewhere?” ………why not? “Why do you draw so scribbly when you can draw so well?” Why not? “You really think you can find fulfillment in pure self indulgence?“ WHY NOT?? In this arena, my jury is me. And 2026 me says, not guilty.
I’ll share the two voice memos I sent Laura this evening, the first is context for this comic, and the second is about how swaggyjason could fit as a character in this universe.
If it wasn’t clear, that’s vampire dad sneakily checking up on his estranged son. I like to think Jace knows Vdad as a regular, but has no idea it’s Ned’s “asshole” dad because he looks younger than Ned at this point.
I haven’t given up on doing comics, obviously. I just need a more grounded allocation of effort. When it comes to danart, there is no more “presentable”. There is no more “palatable.” It’s just going to be playful. Respectfully, artsy fartsily passionate. I think that’s the kind of person I’d like to be, too.
I was up too late on Dec. 21 as well, and YouTube recommended me a live stream of the solstice at Stonehenge. I actually got goosebumps, watching a sunrise happening thousands of miles away, human meaningーmaking in stone sent from thousands of years ago… I got the remnants of my “enemies to lovers” candle, the wick was a nub but the smell of my destiny was still there. I don’t really have any enemies, or lovers, so I think of it in terms of my relationship with myself. I prayed to whatever magnanimous entity might be listening, “please, let this be the turning point, let this be the end of the longest, darkest days I ever have to endure in my lifetime.”
I clicked off the stream, and scrolled a bit more. And of course, of course, the Stonehenge clip from Spinal Tap came up. For once, I didn’t get frustrated, I didn’t roll my eyes and smash my cockroach of hope back into whatever dank hole it was crawling out of. I just said to the universe, “OK, Bet. Bet on it.”
>>robyns_ramblings 